Peenapple Fried Rice

Serves 4


Adapted from Vegan Heaven


· 4 cups cooked brown basmati rice 

· 1 onion, diced

· 4 cloves of garlic, chopped

· 1 tablespoon fresh ginger, grated

· 2 tablespoons sesame oil

· 2 carrots, cut into small pieces

· 2/3 cup frozen peas

· 2 tablespoons soy sauce

· 2 teaspoons sugar

· 1 1/2 tablespoons curry powder

· 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

· 1 1/4 cup pineapple, cut into tiny chunks

· 1/2 cup extra firm tofu, diced

· 2 green onions, finely chopped

· 1/2 cup roasted cashews

· Salt, to taste

· 4 wedges of lime



In a small pot, bring 2 cups of water to a boil. Add the peas and cook for 3 minutes, then drain and set aside. They should be cooked but firm, like a hard on that’s not 100% hard yet.

In a large pan, heat the sesame oil over medium heat and sauté the onion for about 3 minutes. Then add the garlic, grated ginger and carrots and cook for 2 minutes or about as long as your high school boyfriend managed not to cum when you gave him his first handy. Next, stir in the cooked rice. In a small bowl, mix the sugar with the soy sauce until dissolved. Now it’s time to really spice things up. Add the curry powder, red pepper flakes, and soy sauce sugar mixture to your rice, stirring frequently to make sure it covers every inch of that naked rice. Add the tofu to pack in some protein (extra energy for your Tinder thumb tbh) and cook for 2 minutes. Just when your rice thinks it can’t it take anymore, finish it off with a flavor blast of pineapple, peas, green onion, and cashews. Add salt to taste and stir until well combined.

After you call up your main squeeze to help you eat all this fucking rice, make sure to serve it with a squeeze of lime juice. Bone appetit.